-everything is made of coconut: coconut candy, coconut crackers, coconut lotion, coconut bowls, etc.
-the old men are red-faced and chatter merrily in Vietnamese as they ask you to take rice wine shots with them (they drink 50%, you drink 50% and pray they don't backwash)
-the old men will offer you another rice wine shot
-the ladies all wear matching pajamas at home and in public after the afternoon nap that everyone takes
-the Internet cafes are full of guys who play Dungeons and Dragons like it's their job, because it is (they achieve high levels and then sell their character to rich gamers)
-there is no tanning oil in the pharmacies; rather, you can buy all the Skin-Whitening Milk Lotion you want
-Choco-Pies and Marie Biscuits are pretty much the only kind of snack available, besides coconut candy
-everybody not only likes the pho noodles they have every day, they also cheerfully and consistently cite pho as their favorite dish
-everyone thinks that Americans are creative, gigantic and totally immoral
-every single building has the same framed illustration of Uncle Ho, right underneath the same plastic red flag with a yellow star in the center
-no matter who you are, you play badminton and you know every single Vietnamese and English karaoke song in the book by heart
-you drink coffee with 2 parts condensed milk and 1 part sweetened coffee...multiple times a day
-you refer to everyone, including yourself, with pronouns (Hi junior uncle--would junior uncle like to speak with boy friend of girl myself and girl myself?)
-you think that duck eggs with a fully formed duck inside are a delicacy
-you'd rather drink sugarcane juice than a Pepsi
-if you are happy/well/strong, you say "khoe"; if you are surprised you say "troi oi!!"; if you approve you say "dung roi!"--without fail
-you can distinguish a knockoff motorbike from a true Honda, and someone from the country from someone in the city
-you think football (soccer) is the best game ever, and American football probably doesn't really exist
-you live and breathe Yahoo Messenger
-you know more about American politics than most Americans
-if you know English, you say "necCESSary" versus "NECessary"
-every day is in the 80s or 90s, but you still say "Wow, today is sure hot!"
-you think that pig tongue is good for pregnant women and vinegar with embalmed cobras and scorpions is good for male virility
-you can't figure out why Americans don't know the same songs from the 70s, 80s and 90s like you do, and why they don't belt them out regularly
-you haven't really heard of lifting weights, more like just trying to eat enough to not blow away
-you don't really believe in any religion, but you definitely ask your ancestors for help
-waking up early, as in 5 or 6 am, is normal for any day of the week regardless of your schedule
-you think taking a girl on the back of a guy's bike is just about as romantic as it gets
-if you're a guy, tight jeans and Speedos are unremarkable; if you're a girl, scrunchis and frilly blouses are in vogue at all ages
-you love your country, your language and your people, and act as a kind, hospitable host to curious foreigners while simultaneously always reminding them they are foreign
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